


we’ll float in space, just you and i

by badritual



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Body Image, Dean Winchester Uses Actual Words, Don't copy to another site, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Hypothetical Talk of Disfigurement, Insecure Castiel (Supernatural), Insecurity, M/M, Newly Human Castiel (Supernatural), Not Beta Read, light humor, seeking reassurance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:42:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29078805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badritual/pseuds/badritual
Summary: Dean’s still coming down from his post-sex haze—a tangle of emotions and hormones and this gnawing hunger for a bacon double cheeseburger expanding slowly in the pit of his stomach—when Cas rolls over on his back, stares up at the ceiling and kills the mood completely dead. Deader than dead. A ‘so dead it’d never be able to find its way out of the Empty’ kind of dead, which Cas has intimate experience with.“Dean, if I were to become monstrously disfigured would you still find me desirable?”
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 64





	we’ll float in space, just you and i

**Author's Note:**

> short and cheesy, i just thought cas might get a little insecure about being newly human and need reassurance. :| anyway this is vaguely canon-compliant. i was imagining it happening after some post-empty rescue but you could probably place it wherever, post-12x23.
> 
>  **Additional Warnings/Notes:** cas talks of hypothetical disfigurement and body changes.
> 
> pulled the title from "[ladies and gentlemen we are floating in space](http://anonymto.com/?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UGbOqadHb0)," by spiritualized.

Dean’s still coming down from his post-sex haze—a tangle of emotions and hormones and this gnawing hunger for a bacon double cheeseburger expanding slowly in the pit of his stomach—when Cas rolls over on his back, stares up at the ceiling and kills the mood completely dead. Deader than dead. A ‘so dead it’d never be able to find its way out of the Empty’ kind of dead, which Cas has intimate experience with. 

“Dean, if I were to become monstrously disfigured would you still find me desirable?”

Dean turns onto his side so that he can face Cas. He slides a hand over Cas’s bare stomach and rubs his thumb in gentle circles. “What?”

“Suppose I grew a tail or scales or even horns. Suppose I became hideous to look at, imagine sagging flesh, blood-shot eyes, something altogether ugly and grotesque,” Cas continues, pulling himself into a kneel beside Dean in bed. He folds his legs under his body and rests his elbows on his knees. “What if all my hair fell out?”

Dean studies Cas’s mop of bedhead seriously. “We could always sign you up for Hair Club for Men.”

“I’m being serious,” Cas says, giving Dean a shove in the chest. “Would you still want to be with me? Even then?”

“Of course,” Dean replies, without really giving it much thought. “What’s going on, Cas?”

“I’m human now,” Cas says, as if that should answer the thousands of questions currently flitting through Dean’s head at this odd turn in their nightly post-sex pillowtalk routine. 

“Yeah. So am I,” Dean says, sliding his hand from Cas’s chest to rub at his knee. 

“My body is changing,” Cas continues. “I can feel it. All my joints ache after my short, five-minute runs. Even joints I never knew I had. I found gray in my hair just this morning. And my flesh is putrefying as we speak.”

“That happens as humans age,” Dean says. “Well, maybe not the putrefaction.”

“Some day, in the not so distant future, I’ll look like a completely different person,” Cas muses. 

“I guess you will. Me too,” Dean says, leaning forward on his elbow and propping his chin in his hand. “You gonna run out on me when I start sporting a few more wrinkles or some liver spots?”

“Don’t be silly,” Cas says, scoffing and rolling his eyes. 

“You don’t have anything to worry about either. This’s a forever kinda deal, Cas. It ain’t gonna stop just ’cause we might get a little older and, uh, saggier,” Dean says. He ducks his head and traces a fingertip over Cas’s thigh. “And, you know, I did love you then.”

“What do you mean?” Cas asks.

“When you got all weird and scary and veiny when the leviathan were wearing you like a Cas-suit. I wouldn’t even admit it to myself at the time, but I loved you then,” Dean says, scooting closer until he can rest his cheek against Cas’s knee. He blows his breath warm and damp across Cas’s naked, goose-pimpled flesh. “And I loved you when you were this terrifying soldier of God with lightning in his voice who could toss me back in the Pit in the blink of an eye. And I loved you when you tried to be God and it hurt just to look at you. Hell, I loved you when you weren’t even you anymore. When you’d gone deep inside your own mind and Luci was wearing your empty meatsuit to the prom. Especially then.”

“Why?” Cas sifts his fingers gently through Dean’s hair. 

“Because I understood why you did it. Not at first, but later, when I wasn’t so hurt or angry about it,” Dean admits. He closes his eyes and tips his head up into the soft movements of Cas’s fingers through his hair. “You did it for love.”

Cas leans down until he can press a kiss against Dean’s temple. “Everything I’ve done has always been borne of my love for you,” he says, his breath ghosting hot against Dean's cheek. It soon turns into a gentle kiss that Dean tips his face up into.

In a strange way, Dean supposes, despite everything they’ve been through, despite everything they've put each other through, what Cas said is true.

Maybe that’s all they really need. Damn the vessels, damn the meatsuits. As long as their two souls exist somewhere in the world, entwined as they are, they have all they need to be complete. To be happy.

**Author's Note:**

> i will love you 'til i die  
> and i will love you all the time  
> so please put your sweet hand in mine  
> and float in space and drift in time  
> all the time until i die  
> we'll float in space, just you and i  
> — spiritualized - **ladies and gentlemen we are floating in space**


End file.
